*Feins a sip of coffee while her mind wanders back... back to April 22nd 1967*



Laying in the soft grass I sipped at the coke sitting next to me. Slipping a hand behind my head eyes gazed up at the cotton drifting across the sky. I lifted my head at the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. A man I hadn't seen before dressed in uniform and carrying an envelope walked to the door. By the time I made my way to the front door the man was walking out of the house toward the black car he arrived in. I squinted and shaded my eyes as the sun reflected in that mirror coated finish.




Chewing on my lip I hesitated... four months and nothing. No letters and no collect calls from Veitnam. We all missed dad. I would lay in bed at night listening to the sound of mom crying herself to sleep. Cassandra seemed to get more and more depressed. Dad was the one who used to make us laugh. He always lightened mom's mood and could mediate the worst of fights. Now that he was so far away we began drifting apart. No longer a family, just three strangers living under the same roof tied only by the bonds of blood. Blood... the most powerful of bonds despite what race one might be.




Taking a deep breath I gathered my courage and walked inside. Mom was on her knees with head hung. She sobbed... the wrenching of her heart showing clearly on her face. Her fingers clutched a chain... hanging from them a set of dogtags. Cassandra walked downstairs, she dropped her sandwich when she saw mom. My sister ran to mom crying. Dropping the dogtags my mother clung to my sister. There was an endless well of tears springing from their eyes.




I watched quietly. I could understand the pain of loss but crying was not going to bring back dad. Matter of fact, crying as if it was the end of the world would have been the last thing dad would have wanted. Sure there were tears in my eyes but that's where they stayed. Dad would have wanted us to be strong... not to fall apart just because he wasn't there physically. Afteral he was still in our hearts and his spirit would always be with us. I walked over picking up the dogtags placing them around my neck. I would be strong... that's what dad would have wanted. I didn't cry. I didn't shed one tear and it shamed me how my mother and sister could be so weak.




The next day they were still grieving. That was fine... almost understandable really. It would take time for them to adjust to the the thought of dad not being there. In reality nothing changed much. Father hadn't been home in over a year and a half. The days passed proving that the world still turns when your heart has been shattered though my mother and sister would have disagreed whole heartedly. I was the only one working now... two full time jobs which barely caused ends to meet. I watched as my paycheck went to therapist bills and medications designed to help one forget. Forgetting... a dangerous thing though some believe they must to move on.




It had been the four year anniversary of dad's passing when I overheard the conversation....


"I'm so tired Cassandra. I miss your father so much." my mother sobbed softly.


"I know mom," Cassandra inhaled.


"I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't want to live without Joshua."


"I know mom," Cassandra inhaled again.


"I want to be with him so much."


All went silent with the exception of the familiar sobs coming from my mother and Cassandra. I laid in bed with hands behind my head staring up at the ceiling. Four years and they still ached to be with dad. Everything they did pointed to the fact that they'd rather be there with him than here. For several hours I struggled with what to do. I loved mom and Cassie. I wanted to see them happy again. Grabbing some paper and a pen I began writing. I pondered on the best way to release them of their prison. It was 3am when I finally rose from my bed.




Walking into the kitchen I didn't bother to turn the light on. I knew the house well enough to walk about in the darkest of nights. Opening the draw my hand reached in grasping the handle of the steak knife. The blade reflected the moonlight drifting in through the window above the sink. With a shaky hand I walked to my mother's room. I couldn't help but wince at the squeek the door made as it opened. My heart pounded as I glanced at my mother who was still sound asleep. With a soft sigh I walked closer taking care that each step was light so as not to make the floorboards creek too loud. Swallowing the lump inside my throat I drew closers. My breath sounded like a great gusting wind in my ears. The blood pounding so hard in my head I was certain it would cause my mother to awake. She didn't... she laid there unknowingly. Dried tears stained her face and the knife rose reaching out to her. Almost as if it had the urge to commit the deed even if I happened to lose heart. The serated edge pressed against her skin. Eyes opened in shock... staring at me in horror while my hand drew the blade across her neck. Pressure caused the metal to slice deeply into her flesh. Skin parted... muscle parted... veins and arteries poured forth life in a shining crimson river. I smiled softly. With a soothing voice I spoke to her telling her to go meet daddy while running a hand through her hair. I let go of the knife and held her hand rubbing it softly with my thumb. And I was there until her body went stiff and skin grew cold. I reached into my back pocket pulling an envelope to slip into mother's hand. The letter inside read:



"Don't worry Mom, I've sent you to be with dad. Cassandra will be there soon as well. I know we haven't always gotten along but I want you to know I love you. Tell Daddy I love him and I'll go to be with you all when my time down here is done. Love, Maria." A tear rolled down my cheek as I smiled softly. Mom was finally happy. With a sniffle I wiped my nose then picked up the steak knife...







*Blinks taking another sip of her coffee. She sets the mug down before pulling out a set of dogtags. Pressing them to her lips she kisses them softly before tucking them inside her shirt once again*